and now the ultimate question being,

Do I really want to live my life the way I'm leading it now?

I'm desperately trying to look for a change in my life now. Alot of things I'm doing isnt right. Alot of things are screwed. Alot of things are wrongly prioritised. And I have this really bad habit of not sticking to my personal goals. I have this bad habit of procrastinating. I have this bad habit to slack the whole day away even though I know there's loads of things to be made right/done.

I keep saying I need the drive, I havent got the drive. But I've come to realise, how to get the drive, if I'm not searching for it, if I'm not looking for it.

I am searching for meaning, meaning of this life. Meaning for the motivation and drive to do what I've dreamt. Meaning to make dreams come true, cos in reality dreams do exist.

God, I pray to you, no matter how rocky the journey is with loads of obstacles, please give me the strength to bring me through it and carry on.

Because I really want to make a difference in the lives of the people and loved ones around me. I really want to make a difference to my own life.